Tips from the Slush Pile: writing a winner

Rules are made to be broken, but you can’t break them unless you know them first! Every Tuesday I’ll give you a few tips that might help you push your manuscript to the top of the slush pile.

This is a fake query letter I wrote. Yes, yes, I know, "of course you'd say yes to this letter; you wrote it!" I realize this is a moderately inconvenient issue, however, due to The Rules I cannot just copy and paste someone else's awesome query letter. Hopefully you will find this helpful anyway. [comments are in brackets]


Dear Ms. Super Awesome Agent [Ms. is usually your best bet, but DO YOUR RESEARCH]

After reading your profile on SCAYALA's website, I decided to query you because I feel we have a shared love of magical realism and "books that are awesome" [quotes show you read it.] I loved the book MAGICAL MONKEY EATS A BANANA that you represented [wow, Super Awesome Agent is flattered and impressed], and I feel that my 75,000 word [appropriate length] YA dystopian novel [recognizable genre] MONKEYPOCALYPSE [awesome monkey-themed plot] would fit in well with your roster of books. [note the lack of "My humble/lowly/inspiring/potentially bestselling novel." Simple is best. We'll see whether it's lowly or inspiring when we read the first ten pages]

Seventeen year old, [appropriate age of main character] Mookie wants nothing more than to get out of her small town, move to Cleveland, and found the worlds largest traveling flea circus, but all that changes when monkeys take over the world [terrifying monkey set up!]. When her parents are taken by a gang of monkeys [oh noes!], Mookie and her brother [no name necessary. We'll learn it when we read the story] are forced to join forces with the mysterious Hot McDreamypants in order to protect their banana farm [yum] and their lives. But, Hot McDreamypants has a secret. Mookie thinks that Hot McDreamypants might have ties to the monkey overlords [more conflict!], but can't reconcile her suspicions with her growing feelings for him. Mookie must decide who she can trust with her life and who she can trust with her heart [I couldn't help myself] before the monkeys close in and take over everything. [138 words! short = good]

This is my first novel and a multiple submission [polite!]. Thank you for your consideration [professional!].

Sincerely,
Author Friend

FIRST TEN PAGES:
Gripping opening line, sensical plot set up, complex characters, solid voice.... x1000 [super!]